How to stop Self-Sabotage

How to stop Self-Sabotage:

This one has been sitting close with me for a long time and it’s been a hard topic to write about personally. Self-sabotage is real. I have a lot of my own ideas about why we self-sabotage in general but at least for me, I think there’s a real aspect of the fear of failure of course. In addition, I think there’s also a real aspect of fear of success and letting go of what is. I also believe there can be a lot tied in with confidence as well. Check out our previous post to look at our simple tips for confidence growth! I think I’ve fallen under a bit of the fear of success, toss in some imposter syndrome, add a little bit of rejection sensitivity and we’ve got a fabulous cocktail for self-sabotage! Just what I did not order. I’m sure that if you’re reading this, you can also relate.

It can look like a lot of different things; it can often look like extreme procrastination, doing low grade work, or even acting in the absolute opposite way to your intention. It shows up differently for everyone and it doesn’t mean that you’re broken or there’s something wrong with you, but what it does mean is that it’s time to give yourself a pat on the back that you’ve recognized that there is something that’s been holding you back. Then you can slowly take steps to change your behaviour.

To be honest, it’s another one of those subjects that’s way bigger than a blog post and so we certainly won’t be getting into any specific nuances here. I’m also not a psychiatrist or a psychologist… I am however a coach and I am someone who can speak from my own personal experiences of finding a way past self-sabotage.

I’ve recognized this pattern within myself over some years too, somehow preventing myself from taking steps needed for growth. It’s painful at times because you’re like  “WHY AM I LIKE THIS!” despite wanting everything that you end up putting off. I found it helpful to identify a few things to get back on track.

Potentials to be aware of:

-       I am ADHD. Most definitely and that massive revelation has been helpful in setting up ways to get through

-       Keep the right people around you. The ones you feel worse after being around them? Let them go. It can be like a set of heavy chains holding you back.

-       Get enough rest and in general take f’ing care of yourself!

-       Past issues/traumas that you may still need to work through

-       If you’re scared, figure out why and what aspects of it really are scary to you. Where does this fear stem from?

Those are some that make up my list of being aware of them has helped me set up patterns and stability to take the right steps forward. Even if not as 100% planned, it makes forward progress.

Here are some of my personal tips for how to stop self-sabotage:

1.    Simplify your tasks. If something has too many moving pieces sometimes, I pull back from it. So instead of – I need to get this great thing done, focus on the smaller pieces of it. How can you break down big tasks into bite size steps.

2.    Go to therapy, find a coach, read self-help books. Any of these will help!  Study yourself and your patterns. Are you like me where you had significant people in your life build up negative ideas about yourself and your value? It’s time to unlearn every last one of those feelings and solidify them with strength.

3.    Do not overload your daily schedule with too many things to do. It can paralyze you on where to start and add to feelings of defeat if you don’t accomplish every task on that always growing to do list.

4.    Set up fail safe reminders of your purpose, your core values, your vision and what excites you about what you’re doing. Find evidence on the daily that supports it so when the wobbles sneak up on you, you can fight back with your own fact.

5.    Let yourself have a shit day. Write about it, sit with the feeling of defeat and the other large array of feelings that come up, talk to friends, regroup and get back to your purpose for continuing on.

6.    Give yourself space to think, breathe and be at peace. If you can’t come down to a balanced level, you’re likely to be more vulnerable to feelings of self-sabotage.

7.    Along with keeping reminders as listed above, if you feel the doubt within, that’s okay, but give yourself time to take one step a day that sees you on your right path.

The examples above are things that I’ve noticed in myself in the past, that I’ve spent time with and how I cope and work to improve. This is by far not an extensive list, but they are some key factors for me personally. And there is so much more to be explored across this topic!

I was recently coaching someone who had all of their music nearly finished but was scared to send it to their producer for a number of reasons – not feeling well versed on production, being nervous for the feedback, the thought that it all becomes too real once it’s submitted and “then what happens”. But the thing is, this is the dream that they’d been going for for years. It’s so key to put those worries aside and step forward to your dreams. Hell yeah it’s going to be scary and uncharted territory. But to me at least, it’s far scarier never taking the chance on your dreams because you let the self-sabotage win. Don’t be afraid to “lose” because when you keep going, you win the long game.

It’s not something that you overcome overnight – if you ever do completely. But like in this example,  it’s all about the approach to the new, how we can continue growing and finding that strength within. Looking to work through the limitations you put on yourself? Let’s chat!